When I Grow Up The World Is Not Enough...

Do you remember what you wanted to be when you where a kid? All the "when I grow up I`m gonna be..." crap...it`s cute...but ultimately just a few of us do it. I`m not saying it`s a bad thing, we have no idea what life means when you are a kid...and we stay kids for a lot of time...some of us probably are in our mid 20`s and still have the same thought process from kindergarten, it`s not until you hit "The Great Wall of Real Life" you even consider something is not right. And there is still the denial state, when we say "neah, I think like an adult, I`m an adult", well...NO...the adult thought process starts working very slowly and hard...but we get there...somehow...we don`t even realize we killed off our inner-kid(or at best put him in a dungeon where he will start hating the adult you) and when we do...it`s too late...


But being an adult is not that bad...you get to have the illusion you do the right thing, the "This is what`s best for me now..." idea comes...we may even be right... But as time goes by us...we start to think more and more on what have we done by now, "The what have I done with my life" problem comes in, and it`s an equal part god and bad dilemma for us, it can be constructive and at the same time be distructive for us...

When we grow up the concept of "I`m great now, buuuut I still want more" comes to us...We can never be truly happy, yes we do have happy moments...but that`s it...as soon as we solve a problem we find another one...I agree that conflict drives us to get better...but should we let our selfs be driven be our nature or should we let us be happy for once...Truly happy...
Make yourself a favor and do something that makes you happy...

Are you fucking kidding me?

Are you also annoyed when people don`t do what they said they would? Oh, I`m not talking about big things like promising the moon and the stars, I`m talking about shit like calling back or just fucking answering a bloody text!
And it fucking bugs me that I can`t always tell these assholes the same fucking thing over and over again! It`s like talking with a wall... Don`t get me wrong I love these bastards to death(my friends) but is it really that hard to do the small things(that stop me from wanting to put a bullet in their dumbass faces)?
All the small things are so big!
And I fucking hate them some times, but that's the reason I love them...I just want to put my hands around their necks...I mean them and squeeze thigh! ;)
Oh and I've noticed I'm not mature yet, yes I don't consider myself a adult....but I know I've reached a point in my life where I can say I like someone without being shitfaced...yes until now I had to be shitfaced to tell someone I like them(Romantically speaking) I guess I was romantically challenged...well I still am I otherwise...but it's a start!
Alcohol helps...and no I don't drink daly,but I believe it's a great kickstarter! Unless you have a problem with it...which I don't.
Yes...life is full of " are you fucking kidding me?!" moments...but that's a part of it's beauty...I guess...
I'm not an adult yet...but that is ok...I'll get there...one day... I'm growing strong...
So...let's get shitfaced together and see what happens!
Don't forget to sing Soft kitty to me!

Sober...Sleeping Monster...

Have you ever been so sober that you thought of everything you ever done and everyone you ever met? And thought of everything? But the you asked yourself...what is next...who is next...how is next? Next to what...next to who...next? You know that thought...that dosen't let you close your eyes properly and keeps you awake at night... Have you been a good person...have you done the right thing...have you meet the right person...have you said no to much?
And have you ever thought of all the times you would feel that no one loves you? But how much do you love yourself? I can't say i completely love myself...and I'm not saying I don't judge people for not loving my more...but I think it's time to love myself more...
Yes...sobering time is never easy or painless...and the more time we spend in Wonderland, oblivious of reality...the more painful the sobering up will be...

But pain is growing...and with every scar we grow more stronger... Some scars are deeper than they appear to be, but we must face it when the time comes...

Their is a monster inside us...that sleeps...and awaits for the most unfortunate moment to rise and break out balance...(I'm not done talking about this sleeping monster yet... )

"Infections are like sleeping monsters. You can’t see them, you can’t feel them but you must do everything in your power to contain them. Because when the monsters wake up, they’re out of control.
…
All that time you spent telling yourself the sleeping monster wasn’t real, it was gathering strength. The infection was spreading. The monster’s awake now and there’s nothing you can do about it." - Miranda Bailey (Season9, Ep.21-Sleeping Monster)

I'm not talking about the sobering up from dear sweet alchool...we still love our dear sweet loyal friend the alchool... 
So...cheers...to sober us...

Outcast...

Yep, my cat sleeps in the bathtub...

Hey...I don't know it you know...but there is a show on Fox...it's called Glee...and recently they sang a original song...witch has kinda touched me...it's called Outcast... It's really optimistic...and it gives me a special kind of energy...you should listen to it... I've put the link below...

I don't know if you have ever felt like a outcast...or if you had your outcast group...it's a special feeling(well at first it sucks cause you don't know how good you're having it...but after some years, 6 or 7 give or take, you find your joy) it's a very freeing feeling...cause you know when your already a outcast you don't have to impress anyone(yep...after that maturing period of 6 to 10 years) but I'm telling you...never put yourself down for being special..."I'd better be outrageous than just an old clisee, I' rather be a rainbow than just another shade of gray"...so be your rainbow(and i don't mean gay...not necessarily...just gay as in happy...but be ...it's great...after a couple of years of course:))) 
                                                                     Sheldon style 
Well the idea behind this really is be yourself(even though a lot of people said that already I'm here to say it again and again until it gets in our thick dumb-ass ever growing minds), and don't forget to sing soft kitty once in awhile...

My cup..




PS:I've began writing some fiction, I'm not sure what I want to do with it but I will want to share it with you...just as I get at least half of it done...
And of course I do not own any of the videos embeded in this blog...they are only for viewing purposes only...have fun ;)
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Everybody wants to rule the world...

What do we really want from life? Have you ever  thought about that? Well...I have...a lot. And really I am ashamed to say I have no clue... You see I still am not sure how to live my life or why... 
Well not really...I have some guide lines... But I still am very confused...
I was never the certain one...yet I always tried...and tried to find a Purpose, a reason, a sign even...
Yes, I want to love and be loved , want a carrier, I want some stability in my life...
I never had much stability as far as I can tell...though is the thing I have craved for a long time... To be stable with someone...a partner... To have a place to call home... My home... Not a house...I have that...a house is where you live...a home is where you are happy and you know you belong...
I know I'm probably ranting again...but life is always toying with us... She gives you a cookie...and then she takes it back and kicks you in the nuts... Well life is a woman...or at least it thinks like one... One moment she kicks you in the nuts the other she asks what is wrong and gives you a hug...so unstable...
The other day I was having a late at night walk in the park with my sister and she asked my "what do you want to do in life"...for a couple of moments I had no idea what to say...then I thought of writing... Well the fact is our passions or ideas change in life...for example when I was 7 I wanted to be a paleontologist(dinosaur expert) and after that I wanted to be a doctor and after that a pharmacologist, I even thought of being a baker...

The thing is to find what you want in life and take it(or do it) before it is to late...you might say it's never to late...but you would be so wrong...
So let us rule the world or at least...our world...

Wild Young Hearts...

"

"I'm not what I was last summer

Not who I was in the spring

Tell me, tell me, tell me when will we learn

We love it and we leave it and we watch it burn

 Damn these wild young hearts"

Wild young hearts- Noisettes

Change... It's always around the corner, it never forgives and never forgets, but sometimes, it is the best thing that could ever happen to us... It's what drives us forward on our paths...

"Every cell in the human body regenerates, on average, every seven years. Like snakes, in our own way, we shed our skin. Biologically we’re brand new people. We may look the same, we probably do. The change isn’t visible, at least not on must of us but were all changed completed forever.

…

When we say things like, “People don’t change.” It drives scientists crazy because change is literally the only constant. Energy, matter, it’s always changing, morphing, merging, growing, dying. It’s the way people try not to change that’s unnatural. The way we cling to what things were instead of letting them be what they are. The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones. The way we insist on believing despite every scientific indication that anything in this life time is permanent. Change is constant. How we experience change, that is up to us. It can feel like death or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it. It can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment, we can have another chance at life. Like at any moment we can be born all over again."

- Meredith Grey (Season7, Ep.1-With You I’m Born Again)

A couple of days ago I happen to find my old diary from when I was 17, I almost laughed my ass off... The silly things I was thinking at that age... Yes, change is brilliant sometimes... I know my road is not even half way through...but a small light would be appreciated...


Well...long story short...change is not something we always want or need, but it's there...waiting for us, good or evil,in good times or in bad times It's coming for you...it's your choice if you want to be prepared or not...

I Don`t Care...It`s Time...Now!!!

Now...i know i haven`t written anything from the beginning of the month(well, ok last year...but it`t not relly that far away) but the time has come for me to say some things...
Have you ever felt fed up with all the crap life and your friends have thrown at you? Well I have... I really am sick and tired of always feeling sick and tired...and although i know it is partially my fault...I mostly blame them...like any sane person would do...
You could say...well maybe you didn't try hard enough...well...no...i call bs on that...seriously I did all I could do considering all...
I honestly am not sure they know I'm fed up but I really can't care...dark ant twisty me is on the run now...no more bright and shiny idiot that I've always been...no more mister nice guy...just no more...
It's time to think I'm more important...it's god damn time to do myself a favor and be my own best friend for a change...
I've probably said this before...but this time I'm gonna stick to it!
I've never truly changed...I'm still myself...just a slightly less ok with the crap life and my friends give me...
Now...I'm not condemning anyone...I just want Them to see me for myself...
"It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger, but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand
 That I'm never changing who I am"
"I don’t care what you think as long as it’s about me
The best of us can find happiness in misery
Said I don’t care what you think as long as it’s about me
The best of us can find happiness in misery"

"Feels like I’m waking from the dead
and everyone’s been waiting on me
At least now I never have to wonder
what it’s like to sleep a year away.
But we were indestructible,
I thought we could brave it all…
I never thought what could take me out was hiding down below
Lost the battle… win the war
Bringing my sinking ship back to the shore
Starting over… we’ll head back in!
There’s a time and a place to die but this ain’t it!"

I know,I`ve gotten a bit lazy in the end...but honestly I cant`n see what else to add...the lyrics speak for me...
I hope you guys learned something from this...
Alons-Y!!!


PS: The songs i`ve used for this one are:
Paramore- "Now"
Fall Out Boy "I Don`t Care"
Imagine Dragons "It`s Time"
PS2: The photo is called "Pokerface Snowman" I think it fits...