Allons-y!!!

Oh...what a year... Full of ups and downs...full of revelations...
I guess you noticed that the title of this story is not a song but is something dear to me(Doctor Who for those who wore just born), but both the title and the photo are related...just hold on to me... So...Allons-y!
The year that is about to end was a very interesting one me...with it`s good parts and god damn awful parts but a year in witch i have learned a lot from...and I`ve been hurt a lot..but mostly learn from it...
I have had revelations about myself , about the world and about the idea of "frendship"(yes, the "forever alone" me was super exited)...
I won`t get into details about the train wreck that was my year(and my life)....but i have come to the conclusion my road is still under construction...
So I say to you all Allons-y dans 2013!!!
All for the better! ;)

What`s This?

Sincer azi ma gandeam sa scriu un articol cu totul diferit(se numea Time To Pretend?!, care poate va vedea lumina monitorului in curand si el) dar extraordinara bucurie m-a lovit din cel, literalmente(NIIIINGEEEEE!!!)si tot ce pot spune ca cu toate prostiile pe care le am in cap acum(grimm grimm things...) cand ninge nu pot sa nu fiu extaziat ca un copil retardat  de 5 ani imi uit orice idee si ma uit la cer si doar zambesc...
Este un lucru pe care il fac de cand ma stiu... De fapt am si iesit in strada sa observ mai indeaproape fulgii de zapada, sa simt cum cad pe mine si ma stau in ninsoare...e ceea ce presupun ca vreau sa zic aici... Am si pus poze pe facebook(desi cred ca e cam redundant, avand in vedere ca e plin facebook-ul de poze cu ninsoare si statusuri ) dar nu am facut-o pentru altii ci pentru mine sa imi aduc aminte de bucuria pe care am simtit-o.
Sunt putine lucruri pe lumea asta care imi dau o asemenea stare de "pot sa fac orice" sau "sunt pe culmile lumii"...
Cu toate ca aveam mult mai multe ideei in cap(dar s-au dus departe in timp ce eu ma uit pe geam si ma gandesc sa mai ies o data in ninsoare) va las cu ideea sa ascultati "What`s This?" de pe soundtrack-ul Nightmare Before Chistmas(sau preferatul meu"Kidnap The Sandy Claws")...
Seara Minunata!!!
P.S.: Stiu ca poza nu e de anul acesta, dar nu am reusit sa fac poze interesante inca...

Cosmic Love and Rabbit Heart...

Now if I really think of it...I have never been in love with someone...or if i had been i`ve been with the wrong person...but is there a wrong person to be in love with? Well...most likely YES!!! Not that there is something wrong with being in love but the thing that makes it bad...or not quite bad but really really unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe(in your terms wrong) is if that love is just in your heart and mind... Yes...falling for the wrong person...or just falling for that person at a bad time(bad timing is olso bad )...or just liking someone like a 5th grade dumb little girl can make you feel Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe(WRONG!!! or just plain stupid)...or the best way to say it is : ORDINARY...that is just wrong...you feel like you have fallen in this bad state of mind(
"The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
 In the shadow of your heart" as Florance and the Machine brilliantly put it... ).
The thing is...I`ve been hurt by no love or by my stupidity, in bouth cases my fault...or is it? I know I should not think about this because other people have been hurt WAAAAAAAAAAAY more then i was or probably will be(hopefully), but IT still hurt and I still can feel some of the burns...even if they seem stupid in someone elses eyes they still sting or need a stitch or just a warm cup of coffee and a hug...
I don`t still have feelings for my past, I just have a memory of it...the whole experience until now sometimes hurts and leaves hopeless..."And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat
I tried to find the sound
But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness,
So darkness I became".
But...then I think"I must become a lion hearted guy, ready for a fight"...
Because love is a gift and it comes with a price...That`s life you know...a constant battle... You MUST BE BRAVE and deal with it... I think that when we wore born we made a deal with Death: to do the best we can at finding our loved one...She is very good to us,She gives us all the time we need, we keep Her from doing Her job(to take us from this existence)... Sometimes She looses her patience, sometimes She just looks into the future(and sees no hope), sometimes She is just bored...BUT sometimes WE don`t keep our end of the deal and waste our Time here...that makes Her angry and punishes us...by making us lonely...
Well...maybe I`m wrong about that(I hope)...
"The looking glass so shiny and new
How quickly the glamor fades
I start spinning slipping out of time
Was that the wrong pill to take (Raise it up)
You made a deal and now it seems you have to offer up
 But will it ever be enough?"

The Point of this rant: It`s ok to feel "trapped in the darkness of your soul" but at the same time WE MUST remember to be brave and keep our lion heart open to hope... So...Dark and twisty or bright and shiny? Why not both?

Hello, Words, Carry on my wayword son...

Words...it's how we communicate... They make up our language... They make up sentenses... They make sense...
But what happens when words stop making sense? Do we louse our sense? Or we just louse our communications skills? We can communicate non-verbaly but only for simple tasks...
Do the words we think and say change who we are? Or do they just change the perception  people get from us?
Is it possible for people to even change? When we think we changed is it just a perception of ours? That would mean our self-awareness is the one that changes... But that still implies a change in our patterns...
So...what changes?
When we say to someone that they have changed...is it them? Or is it the dynamics of our relationship? In that case...it still our perception of them... Should we even believe that people can change then?
Why should we not? Our life is full of change... Of course...not all change is in our benefit... But should we dislike change for that? Should we embrace change?
I can only say change is in our blood... Blood is keeping us alive...so...trust your blood...
Any good doctor would say...never trust your blood...it may be wrong...
But... What should we do when people change and we cling to the idea that it's gonna be ok? Should their change change us? Or should we just hope that the change won't be that bad as we think?
 So should we just carry on regardless of any change? Or should we take some time to understand what is happening? I for one never have a good grip on reality... Because let's face IT reality may suck...and not in the good way...
Yes...you may argue that we should embrace reality...we live in it for fuck sake...but did anything good ever came from reality? I think not...but who am I to say that? Well just a speck of dirt in all the cosmos... Still I am aware of myself...I have opinions...i have doubts...I have fears...should that count for something? I don't know... But I am sure that we should fine some sense in existing... But what is that? Wayyyyy toooo many questions I say...
So...back to change... Do we get over the fact that our friends and loved one change and should this change our relationship with them?
You tell me... Because sometimes change makes us feel so alone...but change can make us feel a part of something...
Good? Bad? Change is the dynamic of our universe...or is it a circle? We have not found out yet...
What we know might be enough...
PS: The songs in the title are: Hello-Karmin , Words-Kate Miller-Heidke and Carry on my wayword son-Kansas. You should listen to them while or after you read...

Monster...

"When you're little, night time is scary because there are monsters hiding right under the bed. When you get older, the monsters, are different... self doubt, loneliness, regret... and though you may be older and wiser, you still find yourself scared of the dark."(Meredith Grey, In the midnight hour, Grey`s Anatomy season 5 episode 9)

Yes, the night is scary and in the night time we make our worst decisions, even though we(humans as a species) were originally nocturnal creatures...

Why are we so afraid? How come in the century in which we have soooo much technology we still have monsters? Of course technology never helped anyone with fear...especially with monsters like self doubt, they can only be killed by our instinct and our inner-selfs...
Yes, doubt is a horrible monster, we think just because we get wiser we can leave doubt behind but no...older and wiser is no help at all...
But doubt is not our only modern monster, modern monsters are hard to define and even harder to banish, although monsters can shape us into better people if we know how to deal with them, you don`t have to slay them to be able to manage them...
I sometimes can`t deal with my monsters and sometimes i get overwhelmed by them...self-doubt, lack of control or just fear...I just want to scream and make it all go away...but that would never help, neither would  panic help...I just have to find my inner-balance , my inner-light , my salvation...from all the monsters in my closet...
 I sometimes dream of a world without fear, where I am the Master of my world ,monster-free world...I hope to live in that world, not that I`m a sunshine person, but sometimes I like some butterflies...
Until we find a way to manage our monsters we have to lear to get some sleep, sleep is what charges our batteries and we need energy to fight the next day... Yes, one day at a time...one step at a time...
"Sleep. It's the easiest thing to do. You just... close your eyes. But for so many of us, sleep seems out of our grasp. We want it, but, we don't know how to get it. But once we face our demons, face our fears, and turn to each other for help, night time is not so scary, because we realize, we are not all alone in the dark." (Meredith Grey, In the midnight hour, Grey`s Anatomy season 5 episode 9)

Everything at Once

Nu stiu despre voi dar eu ma uit la muuulte seriale...si inevitabil sunt multe personaje din acele seriale pe care la ador sau in care ma vad sau in care as vrea sa ma vad...ceea ce e un pic ciudat(din punctul meu de vedere)ca majoritatea sunt tipe...
Well...daca stai sa te gandesti sunt destul de putine seriale in care actiunea se petrece in mare parte in mijlocul unui personaj masculin(ma rog...cel putin nu la serialele la care ma uit eu).
Voi incepe cu un personaj in care m.am vazut in trecut si in care as vrea(cred)sa ma vad . Este vorba despre Meredith Grey din Grey's Anatomy(one of my fav). Stilul in care isi exprima ideile si pasiunea ei sunt dea dreptul de invidiat...chiar imi place her dark and twisty side...si chiar mi.ar placea ca Shonda Rhimes(producatoarea serialului)sa ne.o arate in perioada ei Deth&Die(fanii serialului o sa inteleaga).
Christina Young e inca un personaj din Grey's care ma fascineaza, modul ei de a vedea lumea este intr.un fel de admirat.
Din serialele care nu vor mai aparea pe tub decat ca reluari as putea sa il mentionez pe Gregory House, sarcasmul si inteligenta lui sunt foarte tari...
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan din Bones ma fascineaza prin inteligenta si stilul ei de a relationa cu alti oameni, ai crede ca un antopolog de runume ar avea some basic people skills...dar personajul este tot fascinant...
Sheldon Cooper din The Big Bang Theory m-a fascinat din prima scena in care l-am vazut, foarte greu de caracterizat, dar are acel ceva care te face sa ii zbori creierul cu un revolver dar si sa il iei in brate(desi nu ar aprecia acest lucru) in acelasi timp.
Trebuie sa o mentionez si pe Pam De Beaufort din True Blood, care te fascineaza(stiu folosesc prea mult cuvantul asta) prin sarcasmul si glumele ei precum si prin agresivitatea ei...
De Game of Thrones din pacate nu ma leg din cauza ca e posibil sa nu mai termin(clar recomand serialul) pentru ca sunt mult prea multe personaje pe care le ador...
Hm...cred ca ar trebui sa va fac o lista de seriale la care sa va uitati...le pun in ordine alfabetica, deci nu e un top...
1.2 Broke Girls
2.American Dad!
3.American Horror Story
4.Anger Management
5.Bones
6.Cougar Town
7.Dexter
8.Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23
9.Family Guy
10.Futurama
11.Game of Thrones
12. Glee
13.Grey's Anatomy
14.How I Met Your Mother
15.Merlin
16.Modern Family
17.New Girl
18.Nurse Jackie
19.Once Upon a Time
20.Private Practice
21.Revenge
22.Star Wars: The Clone Wars
23.Suburgatory
24.Supernatural
25.The Big Bang Theory
26.The Borgias
27.The Simpsons
28.True Blood
29.Vampire Diaries
Toate serialele de mai sus sunt actuale...so puteti sa va uitati...
Chiar habar nu mai am de unde am pornit cu ideea...asa ca mai bine zic O zi buna! si va las :D

Dream a little dream of me II...

This post is a Part II from April...you should read that first.... Ok...so...what do you do when Life gives you your Prince Charming...well... you try very very hard not to fuck everything up...you try hard to see if he/she is really your White Horse...you try to sync with him/her...and you try hard not to fuck everything up... Sure...maybe you think it will be easy...but even Prince Charming can get tired of you if you're a dumbass like me... I get upset over the dumbest things...and sometimes I get upset, but I have NO idea why...and you seriously can't say that without people thinking you are insane or PMS-ing! The good part(I hope) is I'm a attention whore and you can simply calm me down with a hug(but beware: it only works on people i LIKE and on small "infractions"). I guess I can be catalogued as a class III dumbass sometimes...because i don't get some things or I'm capable of taking things for granted(and by my ideas it's category IV dumbass behaviour!!! ) . My only plan for this is: Try Not To Fuck Things Up You Dumbass!!! Well...I see I`ve began to rant again... i should just stay as happy as I am now and stop thinking... But more important...STOP fighting happyness!!!Yes...that should be the point of this post...Stay happy and BE AT YOUR BEST!!!

Sway...

I've always wondered if the Greek mithology was right and all of our Faiths wore already quilted long before we wore born... If this is in fact true I really think that the worst faith a person can have is know his own destiny or even have a peek into his future...good or bad...tragic or great...non the less it would be awfull to know...
I think the univers has It's own tabs on us...and when It takes something from us It gives something else back...even if the trade is not fair...It never leaves you with a empty hand of cards...because if You think about it...life is some sort of a gamble...and "God" is the House...and as we all know...The House never louses...one way or the other It will WIN! We might get our small victory...sometimes...
I don't think this is a bad thing...because to understand a victory...you must louse...and that at least a few times...depending on your personality... None of us learns anything form a victory(even if we enjoy it)...we must sway betwen our defeats to savor the victory!
Life, if you want , can be a dance, we sway with our family, we sway with our friends, we sway with our rivals...and in the end everybody sways with Death...that is the final Dance...our swan song Dance(if you may)...a Dance that we should prefer not to know the next step to a song we must(for our own sakes) not know the next beat.
P.S.: My laptop broke down...so if there are any type-o's or spelling errors...sorry... Hope you like this one, I've put a lot of heart into it... And the image is a part of the lyrics from Shelly Fraley's "Sway"...you should listen to it at least once...it is awesome!

Suddenly I See...

"I have an aunt who whenever she poured anything for you would say "Say when!" My aunt would say "Say when!" and of course, we never did. We don't say when because there's something about the possibility, of more. More tequila, more love, more anything. More is better."

(opening quote)

As you may very well know I`m a huge Grey`s Anatomy Fan, adn since "Suddenly I See" is the song that came in my head this time,I thought that it would be a shame not to share this Grey`s quotes with you...
Yes, I totally agree, because it`s in our nature to want more, more love, more money, more knowledge,more tequila, more life, more time...just more...
We think just because we get more that It will be better...well I don`t think that`s the case with most of the things that Life throws at us, we should know our limits...we should know when to say "When"...but in most cases we never do...
Well, I think the quotes rap up all i needed to say..."when"

"There's something to be said about a glass half full. About knowing when to say when. I think it's a floating line. A barometer of need and desire. It's entirely up to the individual. And depends on what's being poured. Sometimes all we want is a taste. Other times there's no such thing as enough, the glass is bottomless. And all we want, is more."

(ending quote Season 2 ep 2)

Je ne veux pas travailler...

Well i think that this song is one of the reasons I just can`t give up smoking, well that and because i`m just a lazy and addictive person...but every time I hear this song i just want to smoke...
This song is just brilliant, it gives me a strange feeling that I can do anything, but i just don`t have to move...because everything is at my feet. It also helps me forget shit that trouble me and i just can`t get out of my head...it really does help.
Edith Piaf is one of the few french singers that i admire and give a fuck about her songs and lyrics, because honestly i just don`t have any giveafuckness(yes, that is a word!!!) for the others, but She is(well was, but stil is) fucking brilliant!!!
Her song have pain, happiness and sometimes the lack of giveafuckness inside of them that make you get inside her head, Her brilliant, mindfucking genius mind!!!!
Another song that just gives me the goosebumps when i listen to it is Mon Dieu(My God) and my God to bad i was single when i first heard it because I just had a complete mindfuck!!!
Now back to my original idea, you see I just love that song...don`t get me wrong, i like working adn thaking lunch, but that song just makes my giveafuckness level a kick to the minus...
So whenever you just don`t want to give a fuck I really do recommend this song!!!
Long live the lack of giveafuckness!!!

Spectrum...

I don't know about you folks, but I sometime stop and think of my life...I mean of my big-ass mess...because I see the 5 past years of it as a wide array of dumb luck to down right retarded choices...of course there have been time when I would consider if I was in a very very very very good dream, but those time are few and never lasted for more than a month at best...
I really cant say I didn't learn a lot and I do consider that we learn more from our mistakes and bad luck than from anything else...but I really think it's time I would take a long vacation from "school"...
Sometimes it's so hard to find meaning in life...I think I would give heaven up if I could find the key to living...because I do think life needs meaning...and I need a good reason to pump blood into my arteries...
I don't think life keeps a score...but if she does(and yes life's a chick, only women are this passive-agressive!)She ows me! Big time!

Well...I don't know about you but i have two personas, Mr.Brightside (the positive one that is always optimistic, a regular sunshine pussy that eats flowers and shits rainbows), a real idiot and Mr. Don't(he's the realistic one), he saved me from a lot of shit in my days...
And as you know all personas are either the one in charge or the one that just pops up from time to time...and i guess I'm lucky Mr. don't is the one ordering things up in there! What can I say I`m a regular Wednesday, except for the lofe of creepy-crawlies and real pain to me...
I always wondered if other people have split personas inside there mind and if yes what kind are they and which is the dominant one...or are they in balance?
So...what`s the essence of this rant? Well I think these lyrics give you a clue(and "Here" is life): When we first came here,
We were cold and we were clear,
With no colours on our skin,
We were light and paper-thin.

My medicine...

Medication...it`s always a good idea... And no...I`m not talking about drugs...or maybe i am...but there are more kinds of drugs then we can imagine...ever...
There are addictive drugs, there are non-addictive drugs and there are drugs that change their properties...
I fear and love all drugs and addictions...but then again...we all should...
My favorite drug(beside coffee) are my friends...It`s a drug we all should take at least once a week and in some cases as often as we need...
Friendship is the only drug we all should be addicted to...It`s properties are good for the mind and body and for the spirit...
They help us in the worst of situations and have fun with us, they mock us when we do stupid things, they give us advice when we need it(and sometime when they think we do)...
It the right concentration this drug does wonders for you...it`s the ultimate medicine...
I`m very proud of my prescription drugs and i take them with pride and joy...
I love me medicine...
Thank the Higgs-Boson particle there are drugs(i.e.Friends ).

Summertime Sadness...

I have never been a fan of summer...mai ales cand e cald...toata agitatia si caldura si stresul cauzat... Dar...e ceva aproape magic cand vine vorba de noptile tarzii de vara cand se vede luna si temperatura e perfecta sa te plimbi ca un nebun pe strazile bucurestiului...sa ai conversatii intr-un colt uitat de lume pana aproape de zori si sa nu simti oboseala sau trecerea timpului... Sau cand stai la o terasa cu prietenii tai si nu simti ar trece timpul si nu ai vrea sa te intorci acasa, oricat de confortabil ar suna acel nenorocit de pat...
Problema mea e ca e "magic" sa nu te plimbi singur, si sa nu ai acele conversatii cu tine insuti...aici pot spune ca intervine ce cred ca pot spune ca s`ar putea numii nostalgie de idiot...ori asta ori dor de a te simtii ca un mare vid fara sa iti pese...
Da...noptile de vara(cum ar fi si aceasta) cand ti-ai dori pur si simplu sa iti iei "adidasii in picioare" si sa cutreieri strazile mai putin cunoscute din frumosul meu bucuresti...
Nu sunt o persoana careia sa ii placa sa socializeze dar fac acest lucru inseamna ca e ceva de capul omunlui cu care vreau sa imi pierd timpul...
Sa revin la ideea de a te simtii ca un mare vid fara sa iti pese, am impresia ca oamenii au dat un termen acestei senzatii ciudate si se numeste...well, nu sunt sigur ce termen a dat omenirea pentru asta dar eu il mai pot numi nebunie temporara sau boala serotoninei nejustificate(sau nejustificate momentan...depinde poate devenii contagioasa si celalalt specimen o poate contracta, astfel rezulta o serie de reactii destul de ilogice), poate sa fie chiar placut la inceput , la naiba poati sa ai reactii de extaz...dar reactiile adverse de cele mai multe ori duc la o senzatie ce seamana a naibi de mult cu o mahmureala, ce poate sa tina chiar si luni...
Cred ca am aberat destul pe subiectul ala...n`as vrea sa bag pe cineva in stari nepotrivite...ideea e ca mai devreme, stateam pe balcon, fumam o tigara si beam cu ceai uitandu-ma la luna si gandindu-ma "De ce nu sunt pe undeva cu cineva...plimbandu-ma pana sa nu imi mai simt picioarele"? Cel mai bun motiv pe care l-am gasit pana acum e : nu poti avea tot ceea ce iti doresti...i guess...
Presupun ca concluzia perfecta la aberatia mea ar fi sa nu pierdem timpul si sa facem ceea ce noi credem ca e "magic"...wow...chiar scriu uneori ca o tipa...si nu in sensul bun...

I`m not calling you a Liar but I`m Sleeping with Ghots...

Well now...a trecut ceva timp de cand nu am mai scris ceva, si devine dubios, nu ca as duce lipsa de idei(poate cand ai prea multe chiar duci lipsa), dar putina inspiratie si motivatie nu strica(bineinteles ca sunt la o cafenea si scriu ca altfel nu as mai fi eu). Dar bineinteles inspiratia mi-a venit pe drum... eram in tramvai in drum spre metrou si pe geam am vazut a ghost from my past, si bineinteles ca m-am grabit sa cobor sa vad daca ochii mei nu mi-au jucat feste si sa vad ce mai face acesta naluca, cobor eu "disperat", traversez o iau spre acea stafie din trecutul meu(nu foarte indepartat, desi unele stafii nu sunt niciodata destul de departe de noi) si nu mica mi-a fost mirarea cand am vazut ca chiar era o stafie(si nu cea din trecut), buimacit ma intorc din drum si imi vine ideea pentru numele acestui articol, asta si melodia pe care o ascultam in acel moment... Chiar mi-as dori sa nu mai fiu bantuit de trecut... Trecutul nu poate sa te ajute cu nimic(poate doar sa inveti din greseli, desi rar facem astel de lucruri din pacate).
Si nu nu e vorba despre ceva amoros sau romantic...e vorba despre o stafie diferita cea care facea parte din mine(cum asa cred eu ca fac prietenii, pentru ca un Prieten bun este o extensie a Eu-ului propiu si nu cred ca sunt egoscentrist aici, nimeni nu isi face prieteni care nu le seamana sau nu au nimic in comun), dar din pacate(sau din fericire) nu mai face parte din mine, desi dupa acest ciudat episod cred ca imi e dor de acea creatura(buna sau rea) care a avut o influenta asupra mea in decursul existentei mele(destul de scurte).
Stau si ma gandesc de ce ni se face dor de cineva pe care consideram(in prezent) o influenta negativa sau un bagaj in plus, ceva de care chiar nu avem nevoie, sau ceva care nu mai are nevoie de noi, este un fenomen pe care chiar imi doresc sa il inteleg si care chiar vreau sa il evit, Fantomele nu sunt niciodata un lucru bun...sau constructiv...
It seems we need to live with our ghosts at least until we find a way to get rid of them...and i hope i find a way soon...
"I`m not calling you a ghost, just stop haunting me"...

Cosy in the rocket...

"Nobody knows where they might end up" this is a part of the chorus of this magnificent song, the theme song to one of my favorite show on tv "Greys Anatomy", the show that made me start this blog in the first place... The truth is...I think we all would want to climb into a fricking rocket and get the fuck out of our life and escape. We might find ourself adrift in our own life and we don`t know what the fuck is wrong or how we screwed this up again...or why is this happening again... The important thing that we all should never ever ever and I can`t stress this out as I should is that we should always stay on course and at least see where the fuck is life going to get us...life was a funny and cynical way of showing us our course in life... Epiphanys are rare and can be sometimes cruel, but are none the less important for us..."Tic tac toe, you're fitting into place And now the old ways don't seem true Stick stop blue you're only shifting In the same old shape you always do"true word that we should pay attention!
The point I`m makeing is find your rocket ", fly into my palm And collapse Oh, oh, suppose you'll never know".
PS1: If i have typo`s, its ok...i was sort of drunk...it also aplies if i don`t make sense
PS2: I hope the photo has sense for you...
PS3: the thing is i wanted foe a while to make a post with this title and now i think i got the chance...hope i made it proper...

Hello cold world...

"22 is like the worst idea that I've ever had It's too much pain, it's too much freedom, what should I do with this?" these are some lyrics from Paramore`s Hello cold world and some of the few lyrics i can relate to now... I guess the main idea in this rant in confusion...or the state of confusion...or both. Nu exista nici o placere in a fi confuz...though when being confused you are not aware of that... I don`t know what exactly i`m feeling right know..."I feel happy, I feel sad
I feel like running through the walls". I guess it`s not really confusion it`s something like this "You say you're really hurting, at least you're feeling something". Yes...I think i`m not feeling anything or at least i don`t have a clue of what i`m feeling...

Pun pariu ca habar n`ai despre ce vorbesc...well...poate ca nici eu...dar chiar simt nevoia sa vorbesc despre ce oi vorbi aici...
"We can hope and we can pray that everything will work out fine,But you can't just stay down on your knees" you got to do something for yourself, cause you are your own best friend...
"Well, maybe I'm not perfect, at least I'm workin' on it", yes I am a work in progress...we all are works in progress...like a building...and we are the architects...and as we build...some parts of us might fall of, some might stay even though it`s impossible to explain why, some might vanish into thin air...we have to do our best job in constructing ourself.
22 is a weird age...at least for me...
Sometimes I hope it ends soon..but somethimes I hope it will never end...
I think i`ve blown you enough for today...i meant your minds...
So...Hello cold world!!!

Russian roulette

Playing with fire...or playing chicken with faith...or russian roulette is something we all do in life...at least once... Doing something that normally would make us say "what the fuck is wrong with me"...but that dose not have to make it a bad thing or something wrong or immoral...it just means it may be harmful to us... IT CAN...is the magic set of words... The possibility of it backfireing the hell out and fucking us in the bad way(sau cum zic eu....uneori viata suge si nu cum as vrea eu). But of course anything can do harm to us...and if we would give in to all our fears we would end up under a tree waiting for our impending doom...
I thing that we should play with fire(somethimes), after all the ape that firs played with fire evolved into man...fire gave man the power to overcome himself...fire can make you more powerful...fire can maintain life...fire can even save you..but in the wright amount!!!
The point i`m make`n here is...never let go of something that hurts, just because it can hurt you, never give up on hoping just because it seams it`s pointless and never run from fire, it always runs faster than you!
Give me the gun cause I`m ready to play LIFE!

Born to die...

"Feet don't fail me now Take me to the finish line" in this game called life...i really wonder when the dice will land in my favor...or are we that blind that we don`t see if Faith is on our side sometimes?
"Lost but now I am found" is what i would want to say...though i still feel lost..."I was so confused as a little child Tried to take what I could get Scared that I couldn't find All the answers" and i still am...i can`t find all the answers and i try to tell myself "The road is long, we carry on Try to have fun in the meantime" although I have a thick head and you can rarely argue with me... But i guess i a bit like life cause i keep telling her "Don't make me sad, don't make me cry Sometimes" life "is not enough and the road gets tough I don't know why Keep making me laugh," but she just gives me reasons to laugh...though sometimes it`s not my laugh...
Life can be seen as many things a road, a book, a tree, a pack of smokes, but i can only see it as a weird son of a bit*h that is making fun of me...

Part of me...

Fun...un subiect fun sa zicem... well cu totii avem un eu interior care ne obliga sa ne mai si distram...si o persoana...
Well...mda...as fi vrut sa discut despre distractie...dar am mintea cam distrasa...intr.un fel... niciodata nu mi.a placut sa recunosc ca imi e dor sau am nevoie de cineva...si poate aici o sa zica 'una lume' ca's cam depresiv...dar nu...pentru ca i'm awesome...yep pure awesome... Ideea e ca m.am cam sau mai bine spus s.a cam detasat din interiorul meu o prietena...ceea ce e oricum trist...dar e mai trist cand era o prietena de 'haaaaat cand' si cand acea prietena a fost cu tine si a ascultat toate tampeniile debitate de gura ta... nu da bine creiesasului si nici energiei tale...dar...uneori se mai intampla si d'astea si te trezesti ca ai un gol in interiorul tau... ce faci aci? Pai...reactia normala ar fi sa umpli acel gol cu ceva...ma rog cu cineva(ca sa nu ne gandim la prostii)... E greu dupa parerea mea sa iti faci Prietenii noi si ma refer la prieteni adevarati(ceea ce nu ma pot plange niciodata ca duc lipsa si pentru care sunt recunoscator in fiecare zi). Ideea e ca este un 'post' mai greu de inlocuit...well titlul are o logica a lui...vedeti voi...postul pentu care trebuie sa gasesc omul potrivit este 'tipa care sa imi asculte toate prostiile scoase pe cura si care sa ias cu mine la cafea/cumparaturii/plimbare si orice activitate care sa necesite feed-back urgent la ce tampenii iti vin in cap'...mda lunga si grea denumirea postului...stiu, dar sper sa nu ramana vacant prea mult timp...pentru ca nu da bine in rapoartele pentru conducere... mda...eu chiar cred ca omul poate fi comparat cu o companie...dar o sa zic alta data despre asta...
Si cum ziceam...it's great to be awsome... ceea ce as putea sa adaug e sa amintesc de o melodie care se semiporiveste(daca scoti partea in care e vorba de un cuplu) si este vorba de "Part of me" de la Katy Perry...just cause i'm awesome!
PS Initial articolul avea ca titlu "Girls just wanna have fun", dar l-am schimbat pt ca cred ca e mai ok titulul curent.

Cough syrup

Confusion...its when you haven`t the slightest clue what the hell you should do or feel, you have no idea where to go or who to follow, can`t see your allies from your enemy`s...its a terrible thought...its even worst then puberty...its even worse then Rebecca Black`s music...its Stalin for the soul...its like a ten ton brick that fell on you on your wedding day, its like a house that just fell on you when you wore this close on destroying the munchkins...it`s like being lost in your house or scared of a hug...
The thing is...we should get a cornerstone for our life and rely on that because we should never give in to confusion...it`s poisonous and like all things that are bad for us we should get a cure...
Like every poison, confusion leaves marks...
Marks can be good or bad...you can learn a lot from them...and we should always take notice of what we learned so far...
I honestly don`t know if i`m cured but i do believe i`m on the right path...

Breath of life..

Need...a basic human calling... We all have our needs, for power, for love, for affection, for attention, for lust, for wealth for god, for wisdom, for revenge, for addiction, for blood, for knowledge , for sex, for celebrety, for enlightment, for change, for war...but the biggest human need is for more...more then he is and more than he has and more then they have to offer and more then he gets and more then there is...
Our first lust is need...we look for need where there is none and we call for need... yes...need is The human calling...
Our songs are full with need...
Our faith is full of need...
Our calling is for need...
We evolved of and for need...
Wise men say they can set themselfs free from their need...but are they really wise or just fools that think there wise...
I think we should not betray our nature, cause need is our nature, we should embrace our nature...for that our nature can show us our way...

No light, no light

Well now... i could talk about words for days... You see words have a great deal of power over us... they can make you happy, they can make you sad, they can make you furious, they can make you extatic , the point is: they can control our emotions...and that is kinda terifing. words can olso teach or dumnb people. words can enslave or impower. Words can save you or doom you... Even the absence of words can make us harm or good... The right words can win a war and the wrong words can end your existence. Words can inprison or can set you free. We are a society of words... the art of mastering words is a fine and dangerous art, in the Silmarilion(a prolog to the lord of the rings) the creator made the world from a song(i can only guess the song had lyrics, but even if it had not...words are olso sounds ) as well in the Chronicles of Narnia, Aslan made the world from a song...well in many religions the world was made from words... All the magic spells are words... yes...i hope i helped you understand the power of words, their strenght and weaknesses, their influence upon the world and man...

Seven Devils...

Feer... Well now...that's a tought feeling...tought and evil...actualy if i think about it...it's one of MAN's moust horible states...yes...in some cases it can seve your life but of cousrse i'm not talking about that kind of fear...i'm actualy talking about the one that gets you into trubble...with yourself... IT will never help you defeat your deamons...on the contrary, THEY will become
stronger and stronger...until...until YOU will no longer EXIST... The fear inside you is your worst enemy...yes YOU! You should just try to defeat your fear because you will find yourself overpowered by IT... I've named this post Seven Devils because it's one of the songs that i listen to whenever i see a battle with myself coming...it's really inspiering and allways makes me feel like all the armies in the world are there fighting in my favor... It's a great feeling...and i wouldn't give it up for nothing(if only i'd have seven armies fighting for me, i thing that would be better:)))
Well...i guess...the point is...defeat your fear or at least try to overcome it...or YOU might just find yourself LOST...and no person in the world can save you from that!

Bedroom Hymms

Happiness...well...yow know, happiness is a concept that you don't get to understand to often in your life...and to feel it, it's just bliss, simple and utter bliss...
you may not be the most important/smart/powerful/lucky/good/caring(and i would and other adjectivs, but i think you got the point )person in the world, but when happiness gets interested in your person...you should feel overjoyed and utterly blessed by all forces and gods...
When i was younger, and i guess less wise(though i can't really say i see myself as a wise person now) i thought we all get a smile from her and get to be happy(from time to time at least)...but as you grow older you tend to see how the world works and realise life is waaaaaaay diferent from what you imagined...their is were the fork in your road apeares...eather you hope for the best(but prepare for the worst), eather you give up and never see her smile even if she's giving you the molars.
You know...some of my favorite lyrics go like this : "I'm not here looking for absolution Because I've found myself an old solution" because i hope and pray that she never forgets to smile to me as I will never forget to smile(although i sometime try reeeeeeeeeeeealy hard).
I guess the point to this is...i think I'm happy right now...

Dream a little dream of me...

Fairy tales...the stuff of dreams... YOU know...the person who invented the happily ever after concept should seriously have his but kicked! fairy tales don't come true! ok...i may be exaggerating...but i still wanna kick that idiots ass! you know what...i've always said that shit happens...daily...and you have to get over it and stop being all armagedony about life... but that really does NOT mean i don't wish i would have a happy ending...or at least(i can't be picky)some shiny and deserving to be kicked in the face happy day(well...i can't say i haven't been...kicked in the face that is). but then again...i must be thinking of fairy tales if i'm wishing on a star for happines...but can anyone honestly say they are not wishing and hopeing for the same goddamn thing... i allways promised myself i wouldn't be all mushy mushy about life...but i guess you can't fight your nature...though...sometimes i should save myself from my own stupidity...though a prince charming wouldn't hurt(you know)... now...going back to my point...i guess what i'm saying here is life is full of posibilities...try your luck...but be carefull, be very very carefull...happines has a wierd ideea of life....

blood...and other bounds...

You know something...i think i'm not the only one who believes there is more to family then blood... As you come into this world you are just a pound of meat...a very annoying and weak pound of meat, you start growing and by the time you started walking in this world you tend to tell who is you're blood...years go by you, the blood-bonds grow and you start having friends...yes nothing new here huh? well... As we go on living, and if we are lucky enough we get to choose some of our family members(and i'm Not talking about a spouse) and if our luck is just endless we keep our new family for the rest of our lives...because some of them will just poof out of your life faster than you say pi... you know what...? i for one love my friends, and i consider myself lucky enough to have a second family... That not only i choose...but they choose me... of course this is not really a universal thing... in the end you never stand alone...even though you you feel that...no one is alone...even if some of your new family betray your trust...the trust of friendship and part you...or worse... I guess you noticed by now that this is just one of my rants...but i think it's a good one ;) oh and sorry about the lack of care...i just wrote it in a heartbeat...

Through the looking glass...

You know what? Reality sucks...yes, reality sucks hard... It is in my surtenty that if any one of us chould chouse we whould take our imaginary selfs life`s any time... You know...the person or character from our favorite book or movie or even from one of our draem... I believe that writers don`t have imagination...they have the skill to see through the looking glass(in my idea that means to see in one of the many multiverses). Well not all of them have the same power of understanding of their gift...so they just see a small glimpse...and they use their imagination for the rest of the story... I for one am not sure I have that gift or am just off my medication... So yes, i probably am mad as a hatter...but that is who i would have chousesen to be...The mad Hatter or...a variation of Luna Lovegood...she is the moust insightfull person in the hole Harry Potter universe, she sees things in a other light(what i like more about her is that she sees something good in everybody). What i never understood in people is their inability to see their path in life...not that i can see it at the moment, i am rather lost in my vision, but i believe i can find my path as everybody else. The point is that looking glass self is just behind the corner waiting for you to find him...waiting for you to become him...the "YOU" you always cared to become, the "YOU"your path will lead you to... Some Men have waited their hole life to become...
So find your looking glass an step into it...in can`t get any worse than this...

The Dark Passenger

This entry is about that dark thing inside all of us...that i`m gonna name it "the dark passenger". Probably you know i`m riping Dexter, but fuck you that`s why... This "dark passenger" is always there with you, just waiting for his turn to take control... We all have "him" inside of us, of course we don`t all have the same kind of "dark passenger" and it may not have the same power or influence...it`s still there...and it has a rout inside us...we can`t get rid of "him" and probably we`re better with it inside...deep inside...it may save us, or it may kill us. We can try to control "him"...try...and hope you don`t fail...hope...
I still try to understand "him", i talk to "him"...sometimes we laugh...sometimes "he" scares me, but sometimes i get to scare "him", and then...then i understand a bit more about myself...although you can never know yourself or "him" completely...
I end with one thought...is "he" evil or good...against us or works for us...and more important is "he" us or is there something more to the story?

Spring has sprung...

Well...march is here so...spring has come again...my most hated season...why it literally sucks? Well that`s easy...it`s weird, it`s soggy and it can`t make up his mind if it`s hot or it`s cold...
With that noted i can only go on to my most solid argument is that spring is "depression season"...it`s the time when i mostly get down...and few things can bring a smile to my face...
I can`t really say why, but that`s the way the cookie crumbles...
In other news i`ve got o new show in my list, and of course it`s from Showtime, and yes i`m talking about Dexter :D.
ttyl...

Roots and branches...

Oh...the safe and pleasent feeling of rooting and branching out... I don`t really think it happens that often in life when you are in that place...that place in your mind that makes you feel accomplished and in the right direction... Yes...rare and precious moments...but beware...it does not happen to rarely that life uproots you and leaves you just a sad broken branch... Well, maybe i`m over-thinking it...again, like always... I always wonder if it`s all in my head or really happening...or at least to what extent.
Well...as we all know

Life sucks in the bad way.

No it`s not healthy to lean on the past...
The good part is when everything falls back into place...and you learn your lesson...until the next time...