Je ne veux pas travailler...

Well i think that this song is one of the reasons I just can`t give up smoking, well that and because i`m just a lazy and addictive person...but every time I hear this song i just want to smoke...
This song is just brilliant, it gives me a strange feeling that I can do anything, but i just don`t have to move...because everything is at my feet. It also helps me forget shit that trouble me and i just can`t get out of my head...it really does help.
Edith Piaf is one of the few french singers that i admire and give a fuck about her songs and lyrics, because honestly i just don`t have any giveafuckness(yes, that is a word!!!) for the others, but She is(well was, but stil is) fucking brilliant!!!
Her song have pain, happiness and sometimes the lack of giveafuckness inside of them that make you get inside her head, Her brilliant, mindfucking genius mind!!!!
Another song that just gives me the goosebumps when i listen to it is Mon Dieu(My God) and my God to bad i was single when i first heard it because I just had a complete mindfuck!!!
Now back to my original idea, you see I just love that song...don`t get me wrong, i like working adn thaking lunch, but that song just makes my giveafuckness level a kick to the minus...
So whenever you just don`t want to give a fuck I really do recommend this song!!!
Long live the lack of giveafuckness!!!

Spectrum...

I don't know about you folks, but I sometime stop and think of my life...I mean of my big-ass mess...because I see the 5 past years of it as a wide array of dumb luck to down right retarded choices...of course there have been time when I would consider if I was in a very very very very good dream, but those time are few and never lasted for more than a month at best...
I really cant say I didn't learn a lot and I do consider that we learn more from our mistakes and bad luck than from anything else...but I really think it's time I would take a long vacation from "school"...
Sometimes it's so hard to find meaning in life...I think I would give heaven up if I could find the key to living...because I do think life needs meaning...and I need a good reason to pump blood into my arteries...
I don't think life keeps a score...but if she does(and yes life's a chick, only women are this passive-agressive!)She ows me! Big time!

Well...I don't know about you but i have two personas, Mr.Brightside (the positive one that is always optimistic, a regular sunshine pussy that eats flowers and shits rainbows), a real idiot and Mr. Don't(he's the realistic one), he saved me from a lot of shit in my days...
And as you know all personas are either the one in charge or the one that just pops up from time to time...and i guess I'm lucky Mr. don't is the one ordering things up in there! What can I say I`m a regular Wednesday, except for the lofe of creepy-crawlies and real pain to me...
I always wondered if other people have split personas inside there mind and if yes what kind are they and which is the dominant one...or are they in balance?
So...what`s the essence of this rant? Well I think these lyrics give you a clue(and "Here" is life): When we first came here,
We were cold and we were clear,
With no colours on our skin,
We were light and paper-thin.

My medicine...

Medication...it`s always a good idea... And no...I`m not talking about drugs...or maybe i am...but there are more kinds of drugs then we can imagine...ever...
There are addictive drugs, there are non-addictive drugs and there are drugs that change their properties...
I fear and love all drugs and addictions...but then again...we all should...
My favorite drug(beside coffee) are my friends...It`s a drug we all should take at least once a week and in some cases as often as we need...
Friendship is the only drug we all should be addicted to...It`s properties are good for the mind and body and for the spirit...
They help us in the worst of situations and have fun with us, they mock us when we do stupid things, they give us advice when we need it(and sometime when they think we do)...
It the right concentration this drug does wonders for you...it`s the ultimate medicine...
I`m very proud of my prescription drugs and i take them with pride and joy...
I love me medicine...
Thank the Higgs-Boson particle there are drugs(i.e.Friends ).

Summertime Sadness...

I have never been a fan of summer...mai ales cand e cald...toata agitatia si caldura si stresul cauzat... Dar...e ceva aproape magic cand vine vorba de noptile tarzii de vara cand se vede luna si temperatura e perfecta sa te plimbi ca un nebun pe strazile bucurestiului...sa ai conversatii intr-un colt uitat de lume pana aproape de zori si sa nu simti oboseala sau trecerea timpului... Sau cand stai la o terasa cu prietenii tai si nu simti ar trece timpul si nu ai vrea sa te intorci acasa, oricat de confortabil ar suna acel nenorocit de pat...
Problema mea e ca e "magic" sa nu te plimbi singur, si sa nu ai acele conversatii cu tine insuti...aici pot spune ca intervine ce cred ca pot spune ca s`ar putea numii nostalgie de idiot...ori asta ori dor de a te simtii ca un mare vid fara sa iti pese...
Da...noptile de vara(cum ar fi si aceasta) cand ti-ai dori pur si simplu sa iti iei "adidasii in picioare" si sa cutreieri strazile mai putin cunoscute din frumosul meu bucuresti...
Nu sunt o persoana careia sa ii placa sa socializeze dar fac acest lucru inseamna ca e ceva de capul omunlui cu care vreau sa imi pierd timpul...
Sa revin la ideea de a te simtii ca un mare vid fara sa iti pese, am impresia ca oamenii au dat un termen acestei senzatii ciudate si se numeste...well, nu sunt sigur ce termen a dat omenirea pentru asta dar eu il mai pot numi nebunie temporara sau boala serotoninei nejustificate(sau nejustificate momentan...depinde poate devenii contagioasa si celalalt specimen o poate contracta, astfel rezulta o serie de reactii destul de ilogice), poate sa fie chiar placut la inceput , la naiba poati sa ai reactii de extaz...dar reactiile adverse de cele mai multe ori duc la o senzatie ce seamana a naibi de mult cu o mahmureala, ce poate sa tina chiar si luni...
Cred ca am aberat destul pe subiectul ala...n`as vrea sa bag pe cineva in stari nepotrivite...ideea e ca mai devreme, stateam pe balcon, fumam o tigara si beam cu ceai uitandu-ma la luna si gandindu-ma "De ce nu sunt pe undeva cu cineva...plimbandu-ma pana sa nu imi mai simt picioarele"? Cel mai bun motiv pe care l-am gasit pana acum e : nu poti avea tot ceea ce iti doresti...i guess...
Presupun ca concluzia perfecta la aberatia mea ar fi sa nu pierdem timpul si sa facem ceea ce noi credem ca e "magic"...wow...chiar scriu uneori ca o tipa...si nu in sensul bun...

I`m not calling you a Liar but I`m Sleeping with Ghots...

Well now...a trecut ceva timp de cand nu am mai scris ceva, si devine dubios, nu ca as duce lipsa de idei(poate cand ai prea multe chiar duci lipsa), dar putina inspiratie si motivatie nu strica(bineinteles ca sunt la o cafenea si scriu ca altfel nu as mai fi eu). Dar bineinteles inspiratia mi-a venit pe drum... eram in tramvai in drum spre metrou si pe geam am vazut a ghost from my past, si bineinteles ca m-am grabit sa cobor sa vad daca ochii mei nu mi-au jucat feste si sa vad ce mai face acesta naluca, cobor eu "disperat", traversez o iau spre acea stafie din trecutul meu(nu foarte indepartat, desi unele stafii nu sunt niciodata destul de departe de noi) si nu mica mi-a fost mirarea cand am vazut ca chiar era o stafie(si nu cea din trecut), buimacit ma intorc din drum si imi vine ideea pentru numele acestui articol, asta si melodia pe care o ascultam in acel moment... Chiar mi-as dori sa nu mai fiu bantuit de trecut... Trecutul nu poate sa te ajute cu nimic(poate doar sa inveti din greseli, desi rar facem astel de lucruri din pacate).
Si nu nu e vorba despre ceva amoros sau romantic...e vorba despre o stafie diferita cea care facea parte din mine(cum asa cred eu ca fac prietenii, pentru ca un Prieten bun este o extensie a Eu-ului propiu si nu cred ca sunt egoscentrist aici, nimeni nu isi face prieteni care nu le seamana sau nu au nimic in comun), dar din pacate(sau din fericire) nu mai face parte din mine, desi dupa acest ciudat episod cred ca imi e dor de acea creatura(buna sau rea) care a avut o influenta asupra mea in decursul existentei mele(destul de scurte).
Stau si ma gandesc de ce ni se face dor de cineva pe care consideram(in prezent) o influenta negativa sau un bagaj in plus, ceva de care chiar nu avem nevoie, sau ceva care nu mai are nevoie de noi, este un fenomen pe care chiar imi doresc sa il inteleg si care chiar vreau sa il evit, Fantomele nu sunt niciodata un lucru bun...sau constructiv...
It seems we need to live with our ghosts at least until we find a way to get rid of them...and i hope i find a way soon...
"I`m not calling you a ghost, just stop haunting me"...

Cosy in the rocket...

"Nobody knows where they might end up" this is a part of the chorus of this magnificent song, the theme song to one of my favorite show on tv "Greys Anatomy", the show that made me start this blog in the first place... The truth is...I think we all would want to climb into a fricking rocket and get the fuck out of our life and escape. We might find ourself adrift in our own life and we don`t know what the fuck is wrong or how we screwed this up again...or why is this happening again... The important thing that we all should never ever ever and I can`t stress this out as I should is that we should always stay on course and at least see where the fuck is life going to get us...life was a funny and cynical way of showing us our course in life... Epiphanys are rare and can be sometimes cruel, but are none the less important for us..."Tic tac toe, you're fitting into place And now the old ways don't seem true Stick stop blue you're only shifting In the same old shape you always do"true word that we should pay attention!
The point I`m makeing is find your rocket ", fly into my palm And collapse Oh, oh, suppose you'll never know".
PS1: If i have typo`s, its ok...i was sort of drunk...it also aplies if i don`t make sense
PS2: I hope the photo has sense for you...
PS3: the thing is i wanted foe a while to make a post with this title and now i think i got the chance...hope i made it proper...

Hello cold world...

"22 is like the worst idea that I've ever had It's too much pain, it's too much freedom, what should I do with this?" these are some lyrics from Paramore`s Hello cold world and some of the few lyrics i can relate to now... I guess the main idea in this rant in confusion...or the state of confusion...or both. Nu exista nici o placere in a fi confuz...though when being confused you are not aware of that... I don`t know what exactly i`m feeling right know..."I feel happy, I feel sad
I feel like running through the walls". I guess it`s not really confusion it`s something like this "You say you're really hurting, at least you're feeling something". Yes...I think i`m not feeling anything or at least i don`t have a clue of what i`m feeling...

Pun pariu ca habar n`ai despre ce vorbesc...well...poate ca nici eu...dar chiar simt nevoia sa vorbesc despre ce oi vorbi aici...
"We can hope and we can pray that everything will work out fine,But you can't just stay down on your knees" you got to do something for yourself, cause you are your own best friend...
"Well, maybe I'm not perfect, at least I'm workin' on it", yes I am a work in progress...we all are works in progress...like a building...and we are the architects...and as we build...some parts of us might fall of, some might stay even though it`s impossible to explain why, some might vanish into thin air...we have to do our best job in constructing ourself.
22 is a weird age...at least for me...
Sometimes I hope it ends soon..but somethimes I hope it will never end...
I think i`ve blown you enough for today...i meant your minds...
So...Hello cold world!!!