Summertime Sadness...

I have never been a fan of summer...mai ales cand e cald...toata agitatia si caldura si stresul cauzat... Dar...e ceva aproape magic cand vine vorba de noptile tarzii de vara cand se vede luna si temperatura e perfecta sa te plimbi ca un nebun pe strazile bucurestiului...sa ai conversatii intr-un colt uitat de lume pana aproape de zori si sa nu simti oboseala sau trecerea timpului... Sau cand stai la o terasa cu prietenii tai si nu simti ar trece timpul si nu ai vrea sa te intorci acasa, oricat de confortabil ar suna acel nenorocit de pat...
Problema mea e ca e "magic" sa nu te plimbi singur, si sa nu ai acele conversatii cu tine insuti...aici pot spune ca intervine ce cred ca pot spune ca s`ar putea numii nostalgie de idiot...ori asta ori dor de a te simtii ca un mare vid fara sa iti pese...
Da...noptile de vara(cum ar fi si aceasta) cand ti-ai dori pur si simplu sa iti iei "adidasii in picioare" si sa cutreieri strazile mai putin cunoscute din frumosul meu bucuresti...
Nu sunt o persoana careia sa ii placa sa socializeze dar fac acest lucru inseamna ca e ceva de capul omunlui cu care vreau sa imi pierd timpul...
Sa revin la ideea de a te simtii ca un mare vid fara sa iti pese, am impresia ca oamenii au dat un termen acestei senzatii ciudate si se numeste...well, nu sunt sigur ce termen a dat omenirea pentru asta dar eu il mai pot numi nebunie temporara sau boala serotoninei nejustificate(sau nejustificate momentan...depinde poate devenii contagioasa si celalalt specimen o poate contracta, astfel rezulta o serie de reactii destul de ilogice), poate sa fie chiar placut la inceput , la naiba poati sa ai reactii de extaz...dar reactiile adverse de cele mai multe ori duc la o senzatie ce seamana a naibi de mult cu o mahmureala, ce poate sa tina chiar si luni...
Cred ca am aberat destul pe subiectul ala...n`as vrea sa bag pe cineva in stari nepotrivite...ideea e ca mai devreme, stateam pe balcon, fumam o tigara si beam cu ceai uitandu-ma la luna si gandindu-ma "De ce nu sunt pe undeva cu cineva...plimbandu-ma pana sa nu imi mai simt picioarele"? Cel mai bun motiv pe care l-am gasit pana acum e : nu poti avea tot ceea ce iti doresti...i guess...
Presupun ca concluzia perfecta la aberatia mea ar fi sa nu pierdem timpul si sa facem ceea ce noi credem ca e "magic"...wow...chiar scriu uneori ca o tipa...si nu in sensul bun...

I`m not calling you a Liar but I`m Sleeping with Ghots...

Well now...a trecut ceva timp de cand nu am mai scris ceva, si devine dubios, nu ca as duce lipsa de idei(poate cand ai prea multe chiar duci lipsa), dar putina inspiratie si motivatie nu strica(bineinteles ca sunt la o cafenea si scriu ca altfel nu as mai fi eu). Dar bineinteles inspiratia mi-a venit pe drum... eram in tramvai in drum spre metrou si pe geam am vazut a ghost from my past, si bineinteles ca m-am grabit sa cobor sa vad daca ochii mei nu mi-au jucat feste si sa vad ce mai face acesta naluca, cobor eu "disperat", traversez o iau spre acea stafie din trecutul meu(nu foarte indepartat, desi unele stafii nu sunt niciodata destul de departe de noi) si nu mica mi-a fost mirarea cand am vazut ca chiar era o stafie(si nu cea din trecut), buimacit ma intorc din drum si imi vine ideea pentru numele acestui articol, asta si melodia pe care o ascultam in acel moment... Chiar mi-as dori sa nu mai fiu bantuit de trecut... Trecutul nu poate sa te ajute cu nimic(poate doar sa inveti din greseli, desi rar facem astel de lucruri din pacate).
Si nu nu e vorba despre ceva amoros sau romantic...e vorba despre o stafie diferita cea care facea parte din mine(cum asa cred eu ca fac prietenii, pentru ca un Prieten bun este o extensie a Eu-ului propiu si nu cred ca sunt egoscentrist aici, nimeni nu isi face prieteni care nu le seamana sau nu au nimic in comun), dar din pacate(sau din fericire) nu mai face parte din mine, desi dupa acest ciudat episod cred ca imi e dor de acea creatura(buna sau rea) care a avut o influenta asupra mea in decursul existentei mele(destul de scurte).
Stau si ma gandesc de ce ni se face dor de cineva pe care consideram(in prezent) o influenta negativa sau un bagaj in plus, ceva de care chiar nu avem nevoie, sau ceva care nu mai are nevoie de noi, este un fenomen pe care chiar imi doresc sa il inteleg si care chiar vreau sa il evit, Fantomele nu sunt niciodata un lucru bun...sau constructiv...
It seems we need to live with our ghosts at least until we find a way to get rid of them...and i hope i find a way soon...
"I`m not calling you a ghost, just stop haunting me"...

Cosy in the rocket...

"Nobody knows where they might end up" this is a part of the chorus of this magnificent song, the theme song to one of my favorite show on tv "Greys Anatomy", the show that made me start this blog in the first place... The truth is...I think we all would want to climb into a fricking rocket and get the fuck out of our life and escape. We might find ourself adrift in our own life and we don`t know what the fuck is wrong or how we screwed this up again...or why is this happening again... The important thing that we all should never ever ever and I can`t stress this out as I should is that we should always stay on course and at least see where the fuck is life going to get us...life was a funny and cynical way of showing us our course in life... Epiphanys are rare and can be sometimes cruel, but are none the less important for us..."Tic tac toe, you're fitting into place And now the old ways don't seem true Stick stop blue you're only shifting In the same old shape you always do"true word that we should pay attention!
The point I`m makeing is find your rocket ", fly into my palm And collapse Oh, oh, suppose you'll never know".
PS1: If i have typo`s, its ok...i was sort of drunk...it also aplies if i don`t make sense
PS2: I hope the photo has sense for you...
PS3: the thing is i wanted foe a while to make a post with this title and now i think i got the chance...hope i made it proper...

Hello cold world...

"22 is like the worst idea that I've ever had It's too much pain, it's too much freedom, what should I do with this?" these are some lyrics from Paramore`s Hello cold world and some of the few lyrics i can relate to now... I guess the main idea in this rant in confusion...or the state of confusion...or both. Nu exista nici o placere in a fi confuz...though when being confused you are not aware of that... I don`t know what exactly i`m feeling right know..."I feel happy, I feel sad
I feel like running through the walls". I guess it`s not really confusion it`s something like this "You say you're really hurting, at least you're feeling something". Yes...I think i`m not feeling anything or at least i don`t have a clue of what i`m feeling...

Pun pariu ca habar n`ai despre ce vorbesc...well...poate ca nici eu...dar chiar simt nevoia sa vorbesc despre ce oi vorbi aici...
"We can hope and we can pray that everything will work out fine,But you can't just stay down on your knees" you got to do something for yourself, cause you are your own best friend...
"Well, maybe I'm not perfect, at least I'm workin' on it", yes I am a work in progress...we all are works in progress...like a building...and we are the architects...and as we build...some parts of us might fall of, some might stay even though it`s impossible to explain why, some might vanish into thin air...we have to do our best job in constructing ourself.
22 is a weird age...at least for me...
Sometimes I hope it ends soon..but somethimes I hope it will never end...
I think i`ve blown you enough for today...i meant your minds...
So...Hello cold world!!!

Russian roulette

Playing with fire...or playing chicken with faith...or russian roulette is something we all do in life...at least once... Doing something that normally would make us say "what the fuck is wrong with me"...but that dose not have to make it a bad thing or something wrong or immoral...it just means it may be harmful to us... IT CAN...is the magic set of words... The possibility of it backfireing the hell out and fucking us in the bad way(sau cum zic eu....uneori viata suge si nu cum as vrea eu). But of course anything can do harm to us...and if we would give in to all our fears we would end up under a tree waiting for our impending doom...
I thing that we should play with fire(somethimes), after all the ape that firs played with fire evolved into man...fire gave man the power to overcome himself...fire can make you more powerful...fire can maintain life...fire can even save you..but in the wright amount!!!
The point i`m make`n here is...never let go of something that hurts, just because it can hurt you, never give up on hoping just because it seams it`s pointless and never run from fire, it always runs faster than you!
Give me the gun cause I`m ready to play LIFE!

Born to die...

"Feet don't fail me now Take me to the finish line" in this game called life...i really wonder when the dice will land in my favor...or are we that blind that we don`t see if Faith is on our side sometimes?
"Lost but now I am found" is what i would want to say...though i still feel lost..."I was so confused as a little child Tried to take what I could get Scared that I couldn't find All the answers" and i still am...i can`t find all the answers and i try to tell myself "The road is long, we carry on Try to have fun in the meantime" although I have a thick head and you can rarely argue with me... But i guess i a bit like life cause i keep telling her "Don't make me sad, don't make me cry Sometimes" life "is not enough and the road gets tough I don't know why Keep making me laugh," but she just gives me reasons to laugh...though sometimes it`s not my laugh...
Life can be seen as many things a road, a book, a tree, a pack of smokes, but i can only see it as a weird son of a bit*h that is making fun of me...

Part of me...

Fun...un subiect fun sa zicem... well cu totii avem un eu interior care ne obliga sa ne mai si distram...si o persoana...
Well...mda...as fi vrut sa discut despre distractie...dar am mintea cam distrasa...intr.un fel... niciodata nu mi.a placut sa recunosc ca imi e dor sau am nevoie de cineva...si poate aici o sa zica 'una lume' ca's cam depresiv...dar nu...pentru ca i'm awesome...yep pure awesome... Ideea e ca m.am cam sau mai bine spus s.a cam detasat din interiorul meu o prietena...ceea ce e oricum trist...dar e mai trist cand era o prietena de 'haaaaat cand' si cand acea prietena a fost cu tine si a ascultat toate tampeniile debitate de gura ta... nu da bine creiesasului si nici energiei tale...dar...uneori se mai intampla si d'astea si te trezesti ca ai un gol in interiorul tau... ce faci aci? Pai...reactia normala ar fi sa umpli acel gol cu ceva...ma rog cu cineva(ca sa nu ne gandim la prostii)... E greu dupa parerea mea sa iti faci Prietenii noi si ma refer la prieteni adevarati(ceea ce nu ma pot plange niciodata ca duc lipsa si pentru care sunt recunoscator in fiecare zi). Ideea e ca este un 'post' mai greu de inlocuit...well titlul are o logica a lui...vedeti voi...postul pentu care trebuie sa gasesc omul potrivit este 'tipa care sa imi asculte toate prostiile scoase pe cura si care sa ias cu mine la cafea/cumparaturii/plimbare si orice activitate care sa necesite feed-back urgent la ce tampenii iti vin in cap'...mda lunga si grea denumirea postului...stiu, dar sper sa nu ramana vacant prea mult timp...pentru ca nu da bine in rapoartele pentru conducere... mda...eu chiar cred ca omul poate fi comparat cu o companie...dar o sa zic alta data despre asta...
Si cum ziceam...it's great to be awsome... ceea ce as putea sa adaug e sa amintesc de o melodie care se semiporiveste(daca scoti partea in care e vorba de un cuplu) si este vorba de "Part of me" de la Katy Perry...just cause i'm awesome!
PS Initial articolul avea ca titlu "Girls just wanna have fun", dar l-am schimbat pt ca cred ca e mai ok titulul curent.