Allons-y!!!

Oh...what a year... Full of ups and downs...full of revelations...
I guess you noticed that the title of this story is not a song but is something dear to me(Doctor Who for those who wore just born), but both the title and the photo are related...just hold on to me... So...Allons-y!
The year that is about to end was a very interesting one me...with it`s good parts and god damn awful parts but a year in witch i have learned a lot from...and I`ve been hurt a lot..but mostly learn from it...
I have had revelations about myself , about the world and about the idea of "frendship"(yes, the "forever alone" me was super exited)...
I won`t get into details about the train wreck that was my year(and my life)....but i have come to the conclusion my road is still under construction...
So I say to you all Allons-y dans 2013!!!
All for the better! ;)

What`s This?

Sincer azi ma gandeam sa scriu un articol cu totul diferit(se numea Time To Pretend?!, care poate va vedea lumina monitorului in curand si el) dar extraordinara bucurie m-a lovit din cel, literalmente(NIIIINGEEEEE!!!)si tot ce pot spune ca cu toate prostiile pe care le am in cap acum(grimm grimm things...) cand ninge nu pot sa nu fiu extaziat ca un copil retardat  de 5 ani imi uit orice idee si ma uit la cer si doar zambesc...
Este un lucru pe care il fac de cand ma stiu... De fapt am si iesit in strada sa observ mai indeaproape fulgii de zapada, sa simt cum cad pe mine si ma stau in ninsoare...e ceea ce presupun ca vreau sa zic aici... Am si pus poze pe facebook(desi cred ca e cam redundant, avand in vedere ca e plin facebook-ul de poze cu ninsoare si statusuri ) dar nu am facut-o pentru altii ci pentru mine sa imi aduc aminte de bucuria pe care am simtit-o.
Sunt putine lucruri pe lumea asta care imi dau o asemenea stare de "pot sa fac orice" sau "sunt pe culmile lumii"...
Cu toate ca aveam mult mai multe ideei in cap(dar s-au dus departe in timp ce eu ma uit pe geam si ma gandesc sa mai ies o data in ninsoare) va las cu ideea sa ascultati "What`s This?" de pe soundtrack-ul Nightmare Before Chistmas(sau preferatul meu"Kidnap The Sandy Claws")...
Seara Minunata!!!
P.S.: Stiu ca poza nu e de anul acesta, dar nu am reusit sa fac poze interesante inca...

Cosmic Love and Rabbit Heart...

Now if I really think of it...I have never been in love with someone...or if i had been i`ve been with the wrong person...but is there a wrong person to be in love with? Well...most likely YES!!! Not that there is something wrong with being in love but the thing that makes it bad...or not quite bad but really really unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe(in your terms wrong) is if that love is just in your heart and mind... Yes...falling for the wrong person...or just falling for that person at a bad time(bad timing is olso bad )...or just liking someone like a 5th grade dumb little girl can make you feel Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe(WRONG!!! or just plain stupid)...or the best way to say it is : ORDINARY...that is just wrong...you feel like you have fallen in this bad state of mind(
"The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
 In the shadow of your heart" as Florance and the Machine brilliantly put it... ).
The thing is...I`ve been hurt by no love or by my stupidity, in bouth cases my fault...or is it? I know I should not think about this because other people have been hurt WAAAAAAAAAAAY more then i was or probably will be(hopefully), but IT still hurt and I still can feel some of the burns...even if they seem stupid in someone elses eyes they still sting or need a stitch or just a warm cup of coffee and a hug...
I don`t still have feelings for my past, I just have a memory of it...the whole experience until now sometimes hurts and leaves hopeless..."And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat
I tried to find the sound
But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness,
So darkness I became".
But...then I think"I must become a lion hearted guy, ready for a fight"...
Because love is a gift and it comes with a price...That`s life you know...a constant battle... You MUST BE BRAVE and deal with it... I think that when we wore born we made a deal with Death: to do the best we can at finding our loved one...She is very good to us,She gives us all the time we need, we keep Her from doing Her job(to take us from this existence)... Sometimes She looses her patience, sometimes She just looks into the future(and sees no hope), sometimes She is just bored...BUT sometimes WE don`t keep our end of the deal and waste our Time here...that makes Her angry and punishes us...by making us lonely...
Well...maybe I`m wrong about that(I hope)...
"The looking glass so shiny and new
How quickly the glamor fades
I start spinning slipping out of time
Was that the wrong pill to take (Raise it up)
You made a deal and now it seems you have to offer up
 But will it ever be enough?"

The Point of this rant: It`s ok to feel "trapped in the darkness of your soul" but at the same time WE MUST remember to be brave and keep our lion heart open to hope... So...Dark and twisty or bright and shiny? Why not both?

Hello, Words, Carry on my wayword son...

Words...it's how we communicate... They make up our language... They make up sentenses... They make sense...
But what happens when words stop making sense? Do we louse our sense? Or we just louse our communications skills? We can communicate non-verbaly but only for simple tasks...
Do the words we think and say change who we are? Or do they just change the perception  people get from us?
Is it possible for people to even change? When we think we changed is it just a perception of ours? That would mean our self-awareness is the one that changes... But that still implies a change in our patterns...
So...what changes?
When we say to someone that they have changed...is it them? Or is it the dynamics of our relationship? In that case...it still our perception of them... Should we even believe that people can change then?
Why should we not? Our life is full of change... Of course...not all change is in our benefit... But should we dislike change for that? Should we embrace change?
I can only say change is in our blood... Blood is keeping us alive...so...trust your blood...
Any good doctor would say...never trust your blood...it may be wrong...
But... What should we do when people change and we cling to the idea that it's gonna be ok? Should their change change us? Or should we just hope that the change won't be that bad as we think?
 So should we just carry on regardless of any change? Or should we take some time to understand what is happening? I for one never have a good grip on reality... Because let's face IT reality may suck...and not in the good way...
Yes...you may argue that we should embrace reality...we live in it for fuck sake...but did anything good ever came from reality? I think not...but who am I to say that? Well just a speck of dirt in all the cosmos... Still I am aware of myself...I have opinions...i have doubts...I have fears...should that count for something? I don't know... But I am sure that we should fine some sense in existing... But what is that? Wayyyyy toooo many questions I say...
So...back to change... Do we get over the fact that our friends and loved one change and should this change our relationship with them?
You tell me... Because sometimes change makes us feel so alone...but change can make us feel a part of something...
Good? Bad? Change is the dynamic of our universe...or is it a circle? We have not found out yet...
What we know might be enough...
PS: The songs in the title are: Hello-Karmin , Words-Kate Miller-Heidke and Carry on my wayword son-Kansas. You should listen to them while or after you read...

Monster...

"When you're little, night time is scary because there are monsters hiding right under the bed. When you get older, the monsters, are different... self doubt, loneliness, regret... and though you may be older and wiser, you still find yourself scared of the dark."(Meredith Grey, In the midnight hour, Grey`s Anatomy season 5 episode 9)

Yes, the night is scary and in the night time we make our worst decisions, even though we(humans as a species) were originally nocturnal creatures...

Why are we so afraid? How come in the century in which we have soooo much technology we still have monsters? Of course technology never helped anyone with fear...especially with monsters like self doubt, they can only be killed by our instinct and our inner-selfs...
Yes, doubt is a horrible monster, we think just because we get wiser we can leave doubt behind but no...older and wiser is no help at all...
But doubt is not our only modern monster, modern monsters are hard to define and even harder to banish, although monsters can shape us into better people if we know how to deal with them, you don`t have to slay them to be able to manage them...
I sometimes can`t deal with my monsters and sometimes i get overwhelmed by them...self-doubt, lack of control or just fear...I just want to scream and make it all go away...but that would never help, neither would  panic help...I just have to find my inner-balance , my inner-light , my salvation...from all the monsters in my closet...
 I sometimes dream of a world without fear, where I am the Master of my world ,monster-free world...I hope to live in that world, not that I`m a sunshine person, but sometimes I like some butterflies...
Until we find a way to manage our monsters we have to lear to get some sleep, sleep is what charges our batteries and we need energy to fight the next day... Yes, one day at a time...one step at a time...
"Sleep. It's the easiest thing to do. You just... close your eyes. But for so many of us, sleep seems out of our grasp. We want it, but, we don't know how to get it. But once we face our demons, face our fears, and turn to each other for help, night time is not so scary, because we realize, we are not all alone in the dark." (Meredith Grey, In the midnight hour, Grey`s Anatomy season 5 episode 9)

Everything at Once

Nu stiu despre voi dar eu ma uit la muuulte seriale...si inevitabil sunt multe personaje din acele seriale pe care la ador sau in care ma vad sau in care as vrea sa ma vad...ceea ce e un pic ciudat(din punctul meu de vedere)ca majoritatea sunt tipe...
Well...daca stai sa te gandesti sunt destul de putine seriale in care actiunea se petrece in mare parte in mijlocul unui personaj masculin(ma rog...cel putin nu la serialele la care ma uit eu).
Voi incepe cu un personaj in care m.am vazut in trecut si in care as vrea(cred)sa ma vad . Este vorba despre Meredith Grey din Grey's Anatomy(one of my fav). Stilul in care isi exprima ideile si pasiunea ei sunt dea dreptul de invidiat...chiar imi place her dark and twisty side...si chiar mi.ar placea ca Shonda Rhimes(producatoarea serialului)sa ne.o arate in perioada ei Deth&Die(fanii serialului o sa inteleaga).
Christina Young e inca un personaj din Grey's care ma fascineaza, modul ei de a vedea lumea este intr.un fel de admirat.
Din serialele care nu vor mai aparea pe tub decat ca reluari as putea sa il mentionez pe Gregory House, sarcasmul si inteligenta lui sunt foarte tari...
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan din Bones ma fascineaza prin inteligenta si stilul ei de a relationa cu alti oameni, ai crede ca un antopolog de runume ar avea some basic people skills...dar personajul este tot fascinant...
Sheldon Cooper din The Big Bang Theory m-a fascinat din prima scena in care l-am vazut, foarte greu de caracterizat, dar are acel ceva care te face sa ii zbori creierul cu un revolver dar si sa il iei in brate(desi nu ar aprecia acest lucru) in acelasi timp.
Trebuie sa o mentionez si pe Pam De Beaufort din True Blood, care te fascineaza(stiu folosesc prea mult cuvantul asta) prin sarcasmul si glumele ei precum si prin agresivitatea ei...
De Game of Thrones din pacate nu ma leg din cauza ca e posibil sa nu mai termin(clar recomand serialul) pentru ca sunt mult prea multe personaje pe care le ador...
Hm...cred ca ar trebui sa va fac o lista de seriale la care sa va uitati...le pun in ordine alfabetica, deci nu e un top...
1.2 Broke Girls
2.American Dad!
3.American Horror Story
4.Anger Management
5.Bones
6.Cougar Town
7.Dexter
8.Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23
9.Family Guy
10.Futurama
11.Game of Thrones
12. Glee
13.Grey's Anatomy
14.How I Met Your Mother
15.Merlin
16.Modern Family
17.New Girl
18.Nurse Jackie
19.Once Upon a Time
20.Private Practice
21.Revenge
22.Star Wars: The Clone Wars
23.Suburgatory
24.Supernatural
25.The Big Bang Theory
26.The Borgias
27.The Simpsons
28.True Blood
29.Vampire Diaries
Toate serialele de mai sus sunt actuale...so puteti sa va uitati...
Chiar habar nu mai am de unde am pornit cu ideea...asa ca mai bine zic O zi buna! si va las :D

Dream a little dream of me II...

This post is a Part II from April...you should read that first.... Ok...so...what do you do when Life gives you your Prince Charming...well... you try very very hard not to fuck everything up...you try hard to see if he/she is really your White Horse...you try to sync with him/her...and you try hard not to fuck everything up... Sure...maybe you think it will be easy...but even Prince Charming can get tired of you if you're a dumbass like me... I get upset over the dumbest things...and sometimes I get upset, but I have NO idea why...and you seriously can't say that without people thinking you are insane or PMS-ing! The good part(I hope) is I'm a attention whore and you can simply calm me down with a hug(but beware: it only works on people i LIKE and on small "infractions"). I guess I can be catalogued as a class III dumbass sometimes...because i don't get some things or I'm capable of taking things for granted(and by my ideas it's category IV dumbass behaviour!!! ) . My only plan for this is: Try Not To Fuck Things Up You Dumbass!!! Well...I see I`ve began to rant again... i should just stay as happy as I am now and stop thinking... But more important...STOP fighting happyness!!!Yes...that should be the point of this post...Stay happy and BE AT YOUR BEST!!!